BREAKING – Hammond’s budget details leaked

A tongue in cheek guest post from the pen of John Planter…..

 

Housing will not be the huge problem first thought as the allocated financial resources have been adjusted.

As Universal credit ensures more are homeless they will not be requiring accommodation as they will be sleeping in hedges with all the other poor people. The cost of concrete will fall as footings for new estates can use the newly deceased homeless as hardcore.

Boris Johnson was overheard to say he wanted to be a future leader of the Tories, Theresa May who overheard is said to have asked him for a few tips.

Women who expected a pension at the age promised them for decades are being reformed.

Mr Hammond is expected to point out they cannot expect a pension without going out to work for it. After all, didn’t they sit at home with children for a decade or two expecting their husbands pension to cover them ? Mr Hammond is expected to say that as grandparents were free those women affected could easily have gone out and found employment instead of choosing to be spongers. How hard can it be to raise children? This lifestyle choice of having children without working must end as we know everyone will benefit from being in work. Only those who can afford children will be issued the new state permit to attempt to bring them into the world. The permit is tax deductible for those earning over £60,000 PA and all stockbrokers, MP’s, and city bankers.

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