Boris selected for Uxbridge Parliamentary Seat

Sent to me by one of our UKIP Hillingdon members – Was this the speech that Boris gave after his successful nomination for the Uxbridge & South Ruislip Parliamentary seat?

Boris yawn

What Ho! residents of Oxbridge (And that other place tacked onto the side of it, what’s it called? You know – lots of bungalows). I may pop in from time to time but I can’t say when because this ‘being Mayor’ business can be a piddly bit time-consuming. So I’ll get along whenever – I know you’re at the far end of the blue line on the tube map.

I can’t tell you too much about my little caper at this stage, but I need to be sure of a nice safe Tory seat which will guarantee whizzing me into Westminster.

 

Now I know that some of you are unhappy about a brand new railway line we’re going to put right through the middle of your area and you can read all about my thoughts on the matter in the 13th September Daily Telegraph under the headline ‘HS2 opponents are Nimbys who only care about house prices’.

So please give us a wave as we rocket over your vans and trucks sitting on the M25. I’m told it’s always stationery on the western stretch – Don’t know, never have to use the blasted thing!

So – like I said – pop out at the next election and vote Conservative just like your parents did and taught you to do likewise.

And don’t be paying any attention to those UKIP Johnnies who may live in the borough and may care about it as well, but with the help of the press and the BBC, we’ll convince everybody that voting for them will get you Labour. That always works.

 

So run along, and at the next election – Just do what you’ve always done & don’t give it a second thought.

 

Toodle-pip!

 

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